Carmel Pics

Taking off from Denver


Something went boom here. At first I thought it must be an impact crater, but then Lars pointed out it isn't hollow enough. This could have been over Nevada -- underground bomb tests? A volcano that has eroded?


The classic anvil-shape of a thunderstorm


Quail running thru the backyard




Carmel Beach


Pelicans

And the winner of the Carmel Silver Polishing Championship is...

Unbelievably, a week has already come and gone. Dr. Lorimer and I drifted through the Monterey Aquarium yesterday before I took her back to the airport. Everyone should have their own Dr. L -- mine pressed fresh coffee into my hand every morning, grilled steak, and polished silver like a Victorian pro. And then she flew off back into the sunset from whence she came.

Sniff.

But sometime early this morning my phone went bleepity-bleep: Larsie has left Nevada, helloooooo California! He is en route with vehicle. We shall pack up whatever Narrisch chooses to keep and slowly drive back to Colorado.

---

We learned that jellyfish are incredibly difficult to photograph



Whaddre'you starin' at?



And of course, one just for Em

Tuesday morning

Things have improved since Thursday. Uncle appeared Friday night and we had a nice dinner. He's brought lunches over and helped with the sorting. My brother came down Sunday night and we did the final splitting of the treasures. Dr. Lorimer arrives tonight, Lars next week.

It doesn't feel like I'm making progress on the house, but I know I must be. Another box filled, another load to charity, another trash bag drug out the door. Scraping away the layers of a person's life like so much archaeology. No one should have to do this, but at some point it has to be done for all of us.

There is a hummingbird outside the cafe window. It's good to find these tiny moments of wonder between the hours of sorting-packing-saving-junking.

There have been hummingbirds around my mother's house. I think Dr. Lorimer will enjoy them, and the flowers, and the sea.

I wish so much I could keep the house. I don't know how I will drive away next week.

Coming home for the last time

Even though what's-left-of-my-family all live in California, I would appear to be all on my own this week. Even though I have a relation 10 minutes away, no one offered to fetch me from the airport. No one seemed to care if I got to my mother's house or not. Just-get-the-damned-house-clean-because-everyone-wants-their-cash-halleluja-and-ciao.

Cleaning out is hard enough, but staying alone in my mother's house is going to gut me. There is a void where she used to be. There is a void in the spot that held us all together. And I am too wearied by the narcissism and the self-pity to keep patching dykes. If you can't let of things after two decades, then there never was any hope. Take your grudges and entertain someone else.

I need to empty this cupboard, but all I can do is stand in the kitchen and cry.

Dr. Lorimer arrives Tuesday night to help. Tuesday can't come fast enough.

The Other F-Word

---

"So... anybody who grew up in a fucked-up family...
which I assume is most of us"

* audience laughter *

"Do you find your being really suspicious of happy families? Does that just creep you out?"

---

welcome to:
no amount of stoned makes you feel ok
welcome to:
this year's alone - brought to you by Christmas day
welcome to:
the darkness into which prayin people pray

it's quiet here except for this song
now that everybody's gone
but hey
least you don't have to play along today

welcome to:
something like elation when you first open your eyes
just cuz it means
that you musta finally got to sleep last night
welcome to:
the precipice between groundlessness and flight

it's quiet here except for this song
now that everybody's gone
but hey
least you don't have to play along today

besides which
welcome to:
taking the good stuff down off of the shelf
and welcome to:
the art of conversation with yourself
welcome to:
humming an unbroken tune
all day long
yes it's quiet here
but hey
least you don't have to play along today

---

{{ Ani DiFranco }}
angry anymore :: carnegie hall 4.6.02
welcome to :: so much shouting, so much laughter